I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
