Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
