i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Randomize
