Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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