At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize