like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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