I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
How's work?
Spinning.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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