you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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