Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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