She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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