Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
