I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
