his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
