I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
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