I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
