A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
