youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
