dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
