I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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