Did you just see the Batmobile???
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
