now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
