He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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