I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
