I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
