So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
