U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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