They have a pepper shaker for pot.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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