I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
