I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
