You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
