You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
