why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
