take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
