He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
