Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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