Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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