Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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