Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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