So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
