your thong is hanging out like whoa
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
