Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
