Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
MIDGETS
????
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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