When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
