I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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