he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
