Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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