wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My cat gives me a boner
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
