How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
