After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
this just has baby written all over it
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
