i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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