Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
