Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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