she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
