paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize