proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
