We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
