addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
