oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
