I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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