just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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