Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
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