haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
