dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
