Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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