I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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