I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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