Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Randomize
