No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
