I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
